B Scar TV Podcast
Hi-Quality conversations with your favorite creators, thought leaders, and cultural tastemakers - hosted by Brennan Scarlett.
B Scar TV Podcast
The Realities of Becoming a Rapper
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’Til next time... Peace ✌️
What does it mean to be creatively unrestricted? Can you play the game of the music business while staying true to your craft? And staying true to you? Wynne has spent her life in pursuit of these answers, From turning in raps as homework assignments to rocking cyphers, dropping albums, EPs and headlining countrywide tours. She's never just made music. She's built a world where every bar and every move is a reflection of who she is. I hope you enjoy this episode of B-Scar TV with our very special guest Quinn, connected in that way like they communicate and it's crazy, because I'm a big indoor plant guy yeah my plants do the same thing oh, they yeah they, like, like, like they.
Speaker 1:They grow in a way that complements each other interesting.
Speaker 2:I don't have any that I like sitting close enough to each other that I would notice that, but I definitely noticed them like grow specifically into this space. They're occupying like have a giant. What's that plant we have in the studio? It's a philodendron.
Speaker 1:It's fucking huge philodendron I don't know what that is it's like.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like a really it's a low, big leaves kind of okay okay and uh, it's huge. Like you know, it's like this big. Usually they're down here. I put it in the corner because that's the only space I had. We had to move out of our studio. It started to grow straight up in a weird way.
Speaker 1:If it can't grow into the wall.
Speaker 2:It'll curve around. I got things around it. It curves around them and it reaches to the sunlight.
Speaker 1:I'm very much inspired by plants and trees.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1:Which is just a perfect segue. Welcome to Beast Guard TV.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thanks for having me so good to be here.
Speaker 1:So we've been starting off each episode which we've recorded, two thus far for season three. So you're the third. Hell, yeah, thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:Thanks coming threes.
Speaker 1:Let's go, um, and the first question has been around inspiration. Okay, and so, like when you think about yourself as a musician, as a as an artist, artist, I'm curious where your inspiration comes from and what's a source, or examples of sources of inspiration for when, when it comes to creating music, there's a lot um, I mean, there's like the umbrella that is like the life I'm living, you know.
Speaker 2:So there's like, obviously I see everything through my own personal lens. So my relationships, whether that's with you know, my partner or my parents, like the lives they're living, conversations that we have, my friends, my friends are a huge inspiration for me, conversations that I have with them about art and music and life and people and community, um, and I would say that like I kind of I like I brew, like I brew on ideas. I'm not someone who like goes into the studio every single day and there's output, like sometimes I have a beat for years before I'll write to it and I feel like I spent each time I go to the studio. I feel like I'm getting a little bit better, but it could be a while before I'm churning out like an actual song that I love. And in that period, in that couple of weeks, I'm just thinking about what I need to say, like I was having conversations with myself and the fluidity of that.
Speaker 2:I guess like personal time, introspection, like reflecting on myself. I read a lot of like nonfiction books, history, like natural history, knowing my place, like in the world. It's a lot Music, the beats themselves.
Speaker 1:I always tend to always write to a beat specifically oh really, yeah, okay, and then you'll lay that, those lyrics down over that beat, or?
Speaker 2:there's yeah, yeah, it's very like longing or like inquisitive, like I want like complex emotions in the beats. Yeah, exactly, like it's not very often that we're feeling like a simple emotion.
Speaker 1:No, that's, that's right. It's typically complex and layered, so she's going to try to listen for that in a beat.
Speaker 2:Yes A hundred percent.
Speaker 1:So, from an inspiration standpoint, you just laid out two very different modes of inspiration, one being your community and your people and your relationships, which is very much, maybe, external. I'd say but then on the other side there's just like what happens in time alone.
Speaker 2:Processing. Yeah, I've always been like I'm definitely an introvert. I've always been like an observer, I'm like a watcher. I think it came from partially being like the youngest in my family, so I was like when it was a family gathering or you know, if we're all having dinner together, I was always just kind of the quietest and like my sister would talk and my parents would talk and my brother would talk and I would just kind of listen and observe and like process on my own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in those relationships when you're listening and the, the reading that materializes into into lyrics at some point in time oh yeah have you found like a rhythm or a pattern of like I get, like my pen is ready to write lyrics after six weeks of introspection. Like is there a science to it?
Speaker 2:there's no science to it, there's definitely like a, there's definitely an urge. That's the worst is when you is when you feel like you're like creatively ready but you don't have like the sonic landscape that you need yet like I really like prefer to write the beats. I'll write without them. Like I have my notes is, like you know, thousands full of just like one or two bars or like a concept. But if I'm gonna write a whole song, I definitely need like the sonic landscape first. Like I need to know, like what the rhythm of the drums is. I need to know what flow I should come with like. I've spent a lot of time sharpening different like tools in my tool belt as far as like flows go, and it's really important to me that when I'm like putting my vocals on a track, that like I'm in the right place vocally and that's being like supported by the flow that I pick like. But I wouldn't say that there's like a science.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely it's a little chaotic for sure are there artists that do it differently in their writing process that will write without beats oh yeah, like, uh, you know milk.
Speaker 2:Uh, he's a dope rapper, he's, uh, he's from northeast, but he's an incredible, incredible lyricist, like probably the best freestyler I know. He doesn't write to beats, really oh wow I think a lot of rappers are like that.
Speaker 2:They just write like yeah, and, and then they they hear a beat and they're like I'm gonna rap this to this and then they kind of find, yes, well, for me, like I tend to write the flow into my lyrics. Other people will just write lyrics and then find the flow huh, and I've. I've definitely done that and it's fun. Like it puts you in a different creative headspace because you'll come up with things that you didn't, you wouldn't think of, like that's why I think freestyling is good. It's kind of like a palate cleanser for your brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, it's interesting because you can start with the beat or you can start with the lyrics and work either backwards or forwards, however you want to look at it. For me personally, I found I resonate with the nonfiction, like so, downloading nonfiction, information or data or whatever. For me, documentaries have always been a source of inspiration. Reading.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I forget, how I oftentimes forget how inspiring reading a book is.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And it can be like it actually doesn't need to be nonfiction. I think there's so much that, like nonfiction is the easiest to translate into my own life, like there's a Steve Jobs book over there by Walter Isaacson, which I absolutely loved and inspired a lot of what I did this year in 2024, because I finished it in 2024. It inspired a lot of the travels, how I think about business, how I think about creativity, because it's just like the unpacking of this man who lived a whole life of that. So inevitably, like you can't read that and not be inspired. Yeah, but there's also, like the fiction side, a novel, um, what is one I just I read recently?
Speaker 1:The first that's coming to mind is song of achilles. I haven't read it. It's a good book. It's like, uh, yeah, it's a fictional. Obviously it's fictional, it's a, it's a take on the greek myth of achilles and, uh, this woman, the woman who's the author I forget her name, but she basically like takes the story and like adds her own kind of spin narrative to it and I was inspired by the character and just like how she like painted the scene and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:But totally you know something that, like, I'm not gonna lie, that maybe I'm drawing uh connection translations, connections to Achilles, but uh, yeah, I don't know. Fiction, non-fiction, and I've, you know, downloaded a lot of inspiration from yeah works like that.
Speaker 2:I think with fiction too, I mean there's. I've always been like a, been a, been a reader and a writer, more so than like a, a mathematician or a scientist, and so for me, um, reading fiction is like it's a lot like poetry, it's a lot like, um, I feel like it's. It's like a different works, a different part of your brain, than like a non-fiction, like a self-help book does. So I get very different things from them. Like it's hard for me to fall asleep if I'm reading like a, like an autobiography about somebody or right, versus like if I'm reading a story and I'm like putting myself in that, because also, like, when you're reading, it's a lot like.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's a lot like breathing, like when you're meditating, you have to focus on your breath. I feel like with reading, I feel like reading's gotten me through a lot, because it's easy to just throw yourself into a book and just like kind of focus, like word by word and sentence by sentence, and if you find that you've gone a page and you've been like I read that whole page, I wasn't even focused like you go back and you read it there, so you're happy, it's very, oh, I fucking hate that yes, it's the same paragraph, like seven times Literally, it was terrible.
Speaker 1:Oh man.
Speaker 2:But it's important. Then you have to go back. Then you re-organize Like it's a practice and focus.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no doubt Did you watch the Penguin.
Speaker 2:No, I still need to watch the Penguin.
Speaker 1:Am I like the fourth person to tell you to watch the Penguin?
Speaker 2:Kind of yeah, he's one of them.
Speaker 1:Have you watched the Penguin?
Speaker 2:That's a lot of me, but.
Speaker 1:Have you ever watched the Penguin?
Speaker 2:Just seeing the eyes.
Speaker 1:Dulu, have you watched the Penguin? It's fucking, it's fire.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, what about like if I know nothing about DC you don't need to know anything about Batman.
Speaker 1:Yeah, robin, you don't need to know nothing. You don't need to know shit.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's so good it's. I mean the acting is incredible. Colin Farrell is really good in it. The like shooting and the imagery and like the way they tell the story is really good and how they like unpack the characters right, because the penguin is a villain in the batman world, in the dc world. But you know, the best story is the best series. They always like make you empathize with the villain you know what I mean and the penguin. They did a really good job with that and at the end of it I'm not gonna spoil for you, for you guys, if you listen, I'm not gonna spoil but they had the director's cut at the end and I never like stayed to watch the director's cut.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Like when it's like okay, director and producer come on and they talk about like how they made the movie. It's never been of interest to me until like now I'm getting more into like creativity and thinking about the art of it and these things. And the director was talking about how she actually she knew what the end was going to be. She knew what like she wanted the viewer, the audience, to feel at the end, based on like art, already know the characters, already know the setting, you know like general plot, this is what I want them to feel at the end. This is the moment, and then like reverse engineer to figure out how do I get that shit to really hit right man, that's insane.
Speaker 2:That's really insane. I've I've been trying to get more into into like directing and trying to understand like really solid films and and and even like tv shows and how they get there, because it's like to to be able to evoke emotion through a screen with a story is like a different set of skills or that it's like hard to understand when you're, when you're a viewer and you're just watching a film, like you feel like it's easy, you feel like, well, I feel this thing, but to think about reverse engineering from a very like complex emotion about sympathizing with a villain, back on, how many episodes are there? Like 10?
Speaker 2:I think it's 10, something like that Like to have 10 episodes to draw out so you end at the right place is like I'm excited to watch it level.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's insane, that's insane I uh, I dove into your catalog yeah it's deep it is kind of deep yeah no, it's not kind of deep, it is deep. Yeah, I went, I went back, I went back to uh. I started with, if I May, great, great place to start and then uh up through Something Like it, hot up through uh Rugburn, and the most uh recent one is uh, don't Tell Me it's uh Dog In you.
Speaker 2:Dog In me dog in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then? Which is a savage song, oh god that's a vengeance yeah, vengeance, I was gonna. I was gonna try to draw it back to the penguin, but I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 2:I go through that you might sympathize with me on that song a little bit Like you might, you might.
Speaker 1:It's been five years since. If I May, yeah. So the five-year anniversary has happened because, if I May, dropped in 2019. I think that was October yeah. October. Okay, yeah, october 24. All right, we're five years in General temp check. How are you? How are you feeling?
Speaker 2:Wow, great question. I mean it's interesting because it's like it's the end of the year and in December I'm always like doing a lot of reflecting. And five years since, if I may, it's like it's crazy too, because I drafted like right before COVID hit. So there was like a really interesting time for creatives, for people in general, of just like self-reflection and solitude and like a lot of throwing paint at the wall and throughout all of that, like I think what I've found is I was doing what I wanted to be doing the whole time.
Speaker 2:Like I went down all these different rabbit holes to like just see what they would feel like as a creative and like experiment more with singing, experiment with auto-tune, experiment with like different kinds of beats, and I listened back to, if I May, and that at times I feel like I may have been like running from sonically, like trying to find a way to um, I mean A, I just needed development. Like you listen, if I May, I was like 19, 20, 21 for most of those songs, um, and now I think so like the vocal development I think helped. But I listened back and I'm like damn, I was right on track, like I knew what I was doing and, um, a lot of that is just like self exploration and just like figuring out what's important to you is. You just like step foot into into the industry and you navigate different relationships and like see what makes you feel comfortable and it's crazy that it's been that long since I dropped like a full length.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we just started working on my next one.
Speaker 1:Let's go.
Speaker 2:And it's deep, it's deep.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm tired.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Damn. One song that stuck out to me, um, was the thesis on, if I may, yeah, and I was. I was listening to it last night and just like I heard a voice that was like oh, this isn't when rapping right now. And then I think it was a girl that was on there that was rapping kayla j yeah yeah yeah, and then uh, and then dame I heard dame's voice.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh shit, like this is like packed with features yeah and I looked and I saw, uh, ilmatic was ilmatic, ilmac, ilmac was on it as well. And I was like, damn, this is like a, a packed out song posica, yeah, and versatile to sh Verse, yeah.
Speaker 2:I wanted to do something that was like I came up like doing ciphers and like really focusing on like verse by verse and not thinking about hooks and that's kind of like how I see like the thesis showcase a little bit. It's not like a cipher, but it's like a. It's like an array of artists with different skill getting up and presenting, you know, their 30 minute set, and so I wanted to do a song that was kind of like an ode to that show that introduced me to so much of the Portland hip hop scene, but in the form of like a cypher record. So I just wanted to grab people from different corners of the city who have had different journeys and have made it to different places in their careers and just like put us all on one record next to each other.
Speaker 1:yeah and then you call it the thesis and then I call it the thesis shout out to the english classes god, there was that before me, so my english teachers, english teachers all the time, yeah, same.
Speaker 2:yeah, actually, were you like a. Were you a math student or an english student? A little bit of both. So my English teachers, english teachers all the time Same. Yeah, actually, were you like a, were you a math student or an English student A little bit of both.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, I got a little bit of like both sides. I kind of have this. I'm probably leaning more like loose creative but I also like I like numbers and I like to get into like the engineering of things and like processes and stuff. But early on when I was in eighth grade and you talk about teachers in eighth grade I had my English teacher, miss Romco. Miss Romco was so cool, she was hella cool. Some other people didn't really like her, but I fucking love miss ronco and uh, we had like creative writing and she really supported and encouraged my creative writing and I remember I wrote.
Speaker 1:I wrote this piece that I'm still proud of today. Uh, it was called the zone and it was about basically like this zone. It was about me playing basketball and like the zone that I would get in when I feel like, you know, like the ball was just like barely coming off my fingers, you know, and the rim look huge. But I'm not even thinking about like the shot, it's just happening Like the zone, you know, and I, like I wrote it creatively and you know, eighth grade me with like packed as many metaphors and stuff in there as I could. And she, like you know, eighth grade me with like packed as many metaphors and stuff in there as I could, yeah. And she, like you know, correct, with the red pen, just like love this, you know what I mean. Yeah, you get it back, like yeah man, that's always the best.
Speaker 2:Like I feel, like I had those similar teachers where it's like sometimes you don't need someone, you just need encouragement, like I really believe that I feel like people just need encouragement and they just need support and like I had english teachers like that too, where I remember like I remember being in seventh grade and I was like I was rapping and my teacher, my english teacher, mrs shank shout out to mrs shank, she was fire and, um, she would let me like turn in raps instead of like essays. She was the only person who I was telling that I rapped because I was like just kind of by myself and I was like I kind of like write these raps, and she was super supportive and like, instead of poetry, instead of essays, she'd let me turn in like raps and they were trash. But she was like you've got this.
Speaker 2:Like you can totally do this like yeah, and like that's what I needed to hear. Did you tell her you wanted to be a rapper? Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I even to the point where I, when I graduated from high school, um, I like wrote her a letter, sent her a letter. She was in like Europe now, but I like sent her a letter. I was just like I'm doing it, wow, yeah, it was pretty, yeah, so I feel that. Shout out to Miss Romco.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so crazy how those little things is like, what seemingly little things like that adults do in our lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Then, like inform and influence.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:The rest of them and then as we grow into like adults, thinking about, like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, remember that shit forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Literally.
Speaker 1:Thinking about how we like speak to kids you know what I mean and like those words really hold. Yeah, um. So we're five years in from. If I may you have this deep catalog? Um of work? How are you like, how are you defining success in your career now?
Speaker 2:Um, I guess it's gotta be enjoyment.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like it's gotta be how much I'm enjoying myself, um, and like I think my ability to like feel unrestricted, like I think that's something that is really tough, that I think anybody who ends up pursuing maybe you can relate like their passion as their career. It does change your relationship with it a little bit and especially, like you know, you've got a team that relies on you and gets paid from you and you still need to be able to make decisions for yourself and know that, like the decision you're making is really a decision you're making for the whole team. So I think, as long as I can feel unrestricted and my creative pursuits that will allow me to enjoy it. And you know, to me that means, like I like to work with my friends, I like to live in Portland.
Speaker 2:I don't want to move to LA. I don't want to work with a bunch of people I don't know. I don't feel comfortable in the studio with everybody. Like I really like to write by myself and there's room for me to be flexible. You know, like I'm happy to grow and change as my routine evolves, but there are, like those core things to me that are super important and as long as I can like, continue to do those and we can all kind of elevate together. I think I'll be. I think that's like successful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that word unrestricted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's important because you're there's a lot of temptations, like your goals can really change when you start to come across more people or get into an industry where there's a lot of money and there's a lot of opportunity. And like I've always been very like steadfast in my goals and I've been very like kind of stubborn to an extent, like there's a lot of brand opportunities or show opportunities that we could have done for a bag, but I just don't want to do any of that. Like that's not really why I do it. I'm not doing it for the bag and I don't want align myself with things that like don't feel right in my core. And I have a great team who trust me and trust my vision and has never, like you know, tried to sway me in one direction creatively or, you know, tell me that I need to look a certain way or make a certain thing, like they let me steer the ship and they're just like my co-pilots.
Speaker 1:Hell, yeah, yeah. Shout out to the team.
Speaker 2:Shout out to the team.
Speaker 1:Todd RB Brain, co-pilots. Hell yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Shout out to the team, shout out to the rb brain brain, brian brain I I, I roly, I roly, I roly, yeah, oh yeah, it's on Beast Guard TV now, brother, yeah, no, I think I've. My creative pursuits have always been a passion. Yeah, this Beast Guard TV has been out of passion and really a hobby. Yeah, because I was playing football, right, and this was just something that I was like gave me a creative outlet that I didn't feel I necessarily had in ball or just other something else that I wanted to do. But football always paid my bills, right.
Speaker 1:And then and you turn you, you turn the lights out of football and you know the money stops coming in there. And then you look at the creative pursuits, the philanthropic pursuits, and now those become the business. And it resonated with me when you said, like the relationship to the passion, it changes, it changes, it really does, it changes, it really does. And there's been tension for me, even and I'm like you know, I'm not like five years into it, like this podcast is three years old, but like this tension maybe has happened like the last, like six to 12 months. Yeah, it's like damn, like it's Beast Guard TV, like it's got to make money Right, like we got to monetize, we got to get sponsorship.
Speaker 1:Ad reads this damn like it's Beast Guard TV, like it's got to make money Right, like we got to monetize, we got to get sponsorship average this, that and the third, yeah, and then it started to lose like the whole point of the reason that I do it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And what I actually want to do Totally and like Etai and I have had conversations about it and RB too is like realigning and like what are we actually doing this for? But I feel that there is often because hearing it from you too there's a tension between staying true to the craft, but then also the business side and the monetization of that craft.
Speaker 2:Totally. I feel like it comes from like knowing yourself, you know like and letting yourself be this like just like a guide, like I have a very strong like gut instinct and I'm very like. I guess I just don't feel like I think because of that and like really just because of that've like allowed myself to be very picky and selective and you know, because of that we're not living nearly as comfortable as we could be living, and the exchange is like I get to sleep at night and like I get to feel fulfilled in what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How do you like reconcile those choices um?
Speaker 1:I've. I had a good conversation with uh with Jalen Ladd, you know, because he's modeled in uh in some of your videos, but Jalen's the homie and uh, we were talking at a at a party. Did I just mess with the audio? It's good, we were just. And we were talking at a party. Did I just mess with the audio? It's good, we were just. We were chatting at a party for the homie, amir's birthday not too long ago and just, you know, sharing like some of what our creative agency is doing and all this and like what I'm hoping to do and in some of this tension, maybe like what's paying the bills versus like the passion and stuff. And he was like. He said something that was kind of profound. He was like Like when you're creatively, when you're pursuing your passion, like you never make money right away.
Speaker 1:No, yeah it's like, yeah, you're right, you know. And it's like I think about like it took me 15 years before I got paid to play football.
Speaker 2:You know it's like that you've and that's why, like I, no matter what I think about anybody, for you know who's who's made it in music or in sports or whatever. I mean sports is different because you it's like you know it's not so, it's a little more objective but, um, they got there. You know what I mean. Like it takes a lot to get to a level where you're like financially supporting yourself off of your passion. It's a tightrope and it's a long journey and like I've been, I mean I've been riding since I was nine years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I would, you know, I would do like Cypher competitions and like win a couple hundred bucks, but like I was not, I didn't sign my first like a deal where I got a real check until I was like I was maybe I was 19. I started really young, so, like that, that helped me, but even still it's like I'm 27. I'm still not like stable Andrew, like I'm still we're still figuring it out, and like trying to make sure that everybody's comfortable and living very under our means, but knowing and making those choices consciously, because that's what I want to do. I don't want my Instagram to be brand deals. I don't want to play shows with artists I don't fuck with or don't align with. I want to go brick by brick, and that's when you feel the reward. You know like once you're three, four or five years into the podcast and you're like okay, damn, like I stuck to my guns.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know one thing I've actually found, like how do I reconcile it? Another way I reconcile it is treating the business of it as a craft in itself too. You know, what I mean, cause you can look at like there's the art and then there's the business, like you could separate those two things and be like no, I'm just a pure, pure artist, which is great, like you know, but you can also like what if you told the line, what if you?
Speaker 2:what if you did both? What if you did both?
Speaker 1:did both yeah what if, as you became a great artist, you also became a great business person? Or, like, you flex those muscles or got those reps on the business side while you're also getting the reps in the studio or on the set or whatever, yeah. So then when the time comes, when it's like, oh shit, yeah, now people are like, really it's hitting us up and they want this and want that, or you know, there's the value that other people see in the whatever the art is, that shit. I'm we've been practicing on the business side too, yeah, and treating it as a craft in itself.
Speaker 2:So I think like re kind of like rearranging my perspective on on the business and how it relates, like, to the art yeah, I think like the common denominator, like in the venn diagram of like the art and the business, like in the middle, is like humanity and like who you are as a person. And so I feel like, as I've, as I've navigated both, it's in in either aspect. It's been about working on myself and that's made me better at business. It's made me better at my art. It's like when I'm reading those you know self-help books, or when I'm like just trying to understand myself, that's what's allowed me. And business is really like it's communicating, it's people, and like, if you can, the better you know yourself, I feel like the better you know other people, like you can find a little bit of yourself and everyone you talk to or do business with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that's helped me kind of bridge that gap too. Yeah, and treating the business side as part of the art, like literally, like when I'm doing, when I'm trying to think of the marketing or like the rollout, it's like let me think about that as like world building, let me think about that as like part of my album, right, and I'm like how do I want to tell this story? That's like part of the business side that I get to do. You know, like I have my wonderful team who helps me with emails and all that. That's not as like artful.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, when I'm just thinking about like I hate the word content, it's like it's so soul sucking. It's like it's so soul sucking so I get so soul sucking, but it's quality content. Oh my God, can we fucking leave it in 2024? Yeah, but it's like, how can I, how can I exist on a platform that I don't even really want to be on by with these like short form videos that I also like, don't really want to shoot, these like short form videos that I also like, don't really want to shoot? How can I find a way to like make those artful and like make those feel like they're serving a purpose for the song, not for the platform that they're on.
Speaker 2:And like that's something that I think every artist is still trying to figure out Like how can, how can this content I'm making not be serving my business, which it is for, but it's like serving my music right how is it like serving my art yeah, yeah, I was listening to um, to jay-z's podcast on breakfast club, like from 2003 or something.
Speaker 1:I actually talked to do a little about this 2013, 2013, yeah, and I don't I think it. The Magna Carta tour that he was like doing his press run yeah, his press run for it and he was talking about how he's like I forget how they got into it but he said that he's been fortunate to be like good at music, but he's really good at the music business and how some people like to to like shame him about it, but I'm just fortunate to be good at the music business.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And he's somebody that I've looked up to as just from a business perspective and being you know his own like creative asset and the way that he's leveraged it to all these different industries but like makes really great music. Yeah, he's kind of like an icon for me as I think about the art and the business and how to you know toe the line between both. Who's an icon that you look up to?
Speaker 2:It's definitely Jay-Z as well, yeah, and like Kendrick, those are like my two like those are like my two goats and like it's exciting because Kendrick is like, like is like my generation of like coming up. I was like catching up on jay-z when I was growing up. He was dropping like the black album, but I didn't really know what was going on in like the context of hip-hop, but I did.
Speaker 2:I have gotten to see kendrick's journey and it's cool to now see him kind of branch off I started doing pg lang, yeah and start to like really learn his power as like a creative individual but also someone who's like you know, speaks for people and and is like a real leader in a sense, and to see him kind of learn to navigate that and his relationship with, like you know, the, the visuals and the creative and the marketing and and like the lack of marketing. That is marketing, yeah, just just like the tweet, like and. But see, people to me both of them have stayed very like. They have not catered to what's popular, like they have they, right, they have grown and they have evolved over the course of their careers. And it's like they have they, they have grown and they have evolved over the course of their careers and it's like they have not stayed one person. The albums sound different, the thoughts that they're providing on each album is different and you see the business grow like kind of in tandem with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean one of the things that I that that stuck out to me when I was going through your catalog of music. I mean, when I was going through your catalog of music, especially going from the more recent songs that you've dropped, towards, like some like it's, like it's your music is really a reflection, it seems, of like what you're going through in your life. You know to like listen to Rugburn and I did not think it was going to be like kind, kind of uh, it's a love song or like a heartbreak song, you know, and it's like I mean it seems like a reflection of what you're you're going through. Is that something that you, uh, I mean you're intentional about, like similar to maybe how Kendrick or Jay-Z have kind of?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think that's why there's been so much time since I dropped a real full length is I wanted to take my time and like figure out, you know, who am I, what am I contributing, what's the space I'm taking up, what's the lane I want to fill? And in order to answer those questions, I needed to try a lot of things. And in order to answer those questions, I needed to try a lot of things. And I needed to do a lot of self-reflection and be creative and find where my voice sat and what came easy to me and what didn't come easy to me. And I think, if I May, is the closest example of things that I was living and writing and talking about and feeling.
Speaker 2:And I think in this like couple year break, I've been trying to sharpen other tools, like learn how to, you know, write hooks, learn how, learn different flows. I learned how to write on different kinds of beats and I was like in my hot girl era I was like turning up and it was like post my hot girl era, I was like turning up and it was like post-COVID, you know, and I went through like a self-transformation and I was definitely out here on like my player shit and like Some Like it Hot was like the soundtrack for that. So I was very much. I was very much living that, but it wasn't vulnerable.
Speaker 1:All right, the cover art was pretty awful.
Speaker 2:The cover art was vulnerable, for sure, but actually, what's really a bummer about that? That was phase one. I had an EP follow-up that was going to be called Speak of the Devil. So Sound Like a Hot Speak of the Devil. That was going to be like the trauma-informed version of Sound Like a Hot oh shit. It was going to be like like you know how I got there, oh, why I was feeling that way and why I was doing what I was doing so, like the prequel, yes, almost yes, the backstory yeah.
Speaker 2:So it was gonna be like a setup. It was gonna be like here I am like naked on the cover art and everyone was like, oh my god, when sold out she's fucking naked, just dropping this uncle john. And then speak of the devil was going to be like here's the story. And then I was going to put those together and make an album. But Speak of the Devil got absolutely fucked into oblivion. It was like a year's battle of trying to get the songs right. But sticking conceptually with an EP is tough because it's so short and really what ended up fucking us was samples. We had like there were only a couple. We had released a couple of the songs as singles, like Rugburn, like Cut and Paste, but that's a slap, by the way.
Speaker 2:Thank you, but some of two out of the three new songs on the EP got like such bad sample clearances that like they're just not solvable. Sometimes you can, like you know, throw a bag if it's reasonable, or you can like replay it with a different musician, but both of these samples were instances that we cannot solve what do you mean?
Speaker 1:sample clearance? What is that?
Speaker 2:so, like when you sample a song, it's typically like you're taking an old recording from, or or any recording from, some other song and you're reinterpolating it, resampling it into your own music. Or a lot of the songs that you know and love might have a, you know, a chopped up sample from a song from the 70s. It might have a guitar lick from a song from a year ago. All that is is owned by somebody, so you can't just use it and put it in your own music because it's somebody's intellectual property. So you've got to clear those things. Usually, if you're using the actual recording like if I take an IZ Brothers sample and I'm taking their recording and I'm like throwing it into my machine and chopping up and using it I have to clear the master side, which is owned by the label, and I have to clear the publishing side, which is owned by the publisher, and those two things are 50% of the composition. So when you're using somebody's recording, you have to typically pay to use it.
Speaker 1:You got to pay both sides.
Speaker 2:You got to pay both sides. You got to pay both sides.
Speaker 1:Publishing and master.
Speaker 2:Yes, or if you're not using the master, but if you're just like playing like. We had a sample on roll call that was like a lick that was on, I know it from Explosion on Dr Dre's album or on Erykah Badu's In Bag Lady, but we didn't use the actual recording of the sample, we just replayed it with a saxophone. It went.
Speaker 2:So we didn't have to clear the master, just the publishing oh, okay but in these two sample situations it was like the master is owned by diddy, so we weren't gonna get it cleared and it was to cost a shitload of money. And then the other sample was like some people some people.
Speaker 1:They wanted you to pay for the lawyer.
Speaker 2:They want you to pay for everything, bro. They want you to pay for their sample cleaners still shares. They want you to pay for, like the actual recording and they're trying to think about, like how many streams is the song going to get, like how much is which is like you don't get paid shit for streams, so they insane price tag on things that, like independent, independent artists can't afford. And some people make original samples so they compose, you know, they sit in their room and it's like piano keys, whatever vocals, and they make original samples. They send them out as like sample packs and there's some people who are so talented at making them. It's such a dope form of expression.
Speaker 1:So, like some, like I could make, I could follow the explosive beat and make my own original sample, like it's a you could do that, but you wouldn't fully own it because, like you, didn't write it. I didn't write it, but then you could.
Speaker 2:I could sell it to you or you could buy it from me correct, but like I would then be paying you for the master, like your recording of it but the publishing still would be owned by whoever originally wrote it even because it follows the same harmony or melody or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but but I'm thinking like it's totally original, like you. You go, you sit down at the piano and you're like I'm gonna write a song for brennan and you just write your own song, and then you could I might hear that and be like, oh, I want to use that in a beat, and then I could hit you up and get you know okay, the master and the publisher here, but it would be different. But nevertheless, I could not get these samples cleared for shit, so we had to cancel the project.
Speaker 1:Damn. Yes, that's wild.
Speaker 2:It was extremely whack, but I think it was for the best, because now I get to work on my album, right, I'm excited about that. I'm now in that place where I can make an album.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm excited to hear it you just came off your.
Speaker 1:Was that your first tour? It was my first headline tour first headline tour and I was lucky enough to be at the Portland show and it was cool. Thanks, I appreciate the invite. Yeah, I had a media pass because I was snapping some photos. Yeah, some video.
Speaker 2:I like seeing you. You tried to run around with the camera. That was fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and all that content Never seen the light of day. I got it though. You know what I mean. It's on my computer.
Speaker 2:Big time seen the light of day.
Speaker 1:I got it though, you know, I mean it's on my computer. I'm time there's some good shots, there's some good moments, oh yeah, um. But it was fun just for me to like play with the camera and just like act like a media person, but then also experience the concert from a different perspective, because I was like behind the stage or right in front of the stage and then I'm looking out to see yeah your fans and the audience and see how they're like responding to you and see you, you know.
Speaker 1:So it was cool. I've never been to a concert and had that perspective of like being between the, the artist and the audience. I was like kind of in this, like purgatory between the artist and audience as an Indian person, um, but Portland showed you a bunch of love, my love. Yeah, there was a lot of people there and I thought it was just really cool, like to see folks know the lyrics to your song yeah, me too and like sing it or rap it in all different ages too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you have some older fans I do, you know, but then you also have some like young high schoolers in there and all of them are, like you know, on the barricade, like what you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's strange. Well, I have such a. I have like a pretty eclectic catalog, I think, to a certain extent, like I think a lot of those like older fans are like your heads, you know, and they came up like watching me do cyphers and like they're. They're like they know when it's like an mc, like underground mc, whereas like the high school kids might know me more from like john moran, but they all appreciate it all. So they come to the show and they rock out. Together is in Portland, I think, is like a unique market for me because I think there's like I think a lot of people in the city know of me, so I think a lot of people pull up just like curious, like what's a show look like?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, portland uh uniquely embraces expression yeah that's what I love about our city yeah is that like if you're out here doing something that's different, or like artistic, or you have your own like spin to it or whatever? You know like portland's a good place to be for that oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:Portland like embraces people, accepts people as they are for the most part, like it's very creative. Out here you're allowed to be weird as fuck yeah, which is like important. It's not a lot of places where you're just like allowed to be super weird, right or worse or actually encouraged, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like keep portland weird and yeah which is really the note to individualism. You know like be who you are yeah and you can be comfortable in that, uh, and so, yeah, I appreciate that about, about our city. Yeah, I'm curious, though, on the on the tour, this being your first headline- yeah tour, if there were any moments that stick out to you as particularly moving wow, there were a lot.
Speaker 2:There were a lot. Um, yeah, it's. It's weird because, like before I went on the tour, I was like I shouldn't be going on a headline tour like no one's gonna pull up because you don't know. You don't know your fan base, like in 2024, like, unless you've like been on the road a lot, which I've only done one tour and it was as an opener with Earthgang and Mick Jenkins.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like my fans are online, you know, like they're, they're followers, they're, they're on my Instagram, they're on my Twitter. So I was like I don't know what to expect. Are people gonna show up? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, and like they did so, I was kind of like taken aback, like, wow, not only are people showing, but they have stories to my music, they have like experiences and have made friendships through my music. Like they know the words, they like things, have gotten them through things, like there is a like they, they, they feel like they know me, you know.
Speaker 2:So it was like and there's a level of like feeling like I know them. You know, like we're unified over this thing, that that is coming from my brain, that you know we're at this concert and there's, you know like a hundred of us and we're just like turning up to this like music that, like most people don't know, like we're very unifying and, um, really humbling, like just to to meet how many people and a lot of those fans like they aren't always the same fans that are in the comments like a lot of these fans, because I, there's a lot of fans I have that I that I feel like I know because they've been following me for six or seven years, so I'm like, oh, I know this person, I know this person, yeah, and a lot of my biggest fans who pulled up with, like custom merch or people who had like they tagged me for the first time on their Instagram and like I was kind of surprised Like, wow, some of my biggest fans are people who I never even knew about.
Speaker 1:Like they're shadow followers, like they're just not very active, but they're watching or listening. Then I think about myself and I followers like they're just not very active, but they're watching or listening.
Speaker 2:I think about myself and I'm like I guess I'm kind of like that as a fan, you know like I think about my fans as the people who message me and the people who comment but I don't comment on on posts either well, most people, but I'm a huge fan of people, yeah, but they would know I just like I live by their music but I'm not like in their comments, like love this. You know we're not doing that. So it was very, it was very eyeopening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's funny. I'm not that type of fan either, but I uh, when I was in Miami, uh for Art Basel uh this year I he always sees like somebody cause there's a lot of people go down there, but I've become like we're talking about affinity arts and I saw, uh, hebrew brantley crazy, crazy and I'm a big like I'm a big shadow fan of hebrew brantley.
Speaker 1:I've been following for a long time and, like you know, I've had eye on my eye on works and I haven't pulled the trigger on one, um, and I found him or discovered his art. I was in some city and he had his, like, his little uh, like, uh, that figure with like the, the space helmet on or whatever, and the goggles, and it was on this construction site and there was, like you know, the wooden, like is know the wood is surrounding the construction site. It's like this tall wall and it was just like the continuation of this kid, like space figure around the wall. And I was like, hold on, I've seen that before, oh, this is Hebrew Brantley. And then the Chance the Rapper song was like house covered in Hebrew Brantley or whoever it went.
Speaker 1:It was like okay, that kind of doubled down as a big fan of Chance too. So then I'm following Hebrew. So, anyways, I ended up seeing him in Miami and I'll just do it now, like if I see somebody that I respect, that I admire, that I like want to talk to, I will not not talk to him. I made it up in my mind like you gonna know that I, like, want to talk to I.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will not not talk to him. Oh, that's nice. I made it up in my mind, like you gonna know, that I fuck with you. So I went up to him and first of all, big guy oh yeah, yeah, he's a big dude.
Speaker 1:Oh, I've never seen what he looks like he's uh, yeah, he's, he's a solid six, three like. He's like, looking me in the eye, you know, shook his hand Bigger hands than I expected, just like he's a big dude, and I wasn't put off by the size. But I was also in this place where I'm like a little bit starstruck, yeah Right, because, like I'm a fan, oh yeah. But to your point, this guy doesn't know me. I don't comment on this shit, I don't really dm him, but I just let him know like, oh yeah, I really I really appreciate your art. Fuck with your shit.
Speaker 1:And uh, after it was kind of it was a little bit awkward because it like there was just like a weird pause where there was like, okay, he was like thank you. He was like, yeah, right, you know this kind of art. I kind of wanted to ask like so can we connect, bro? Right, I Right, I want to connect Right. And then I ended up asking he was like yeah, just hit me on Instagram, like I'm on IG. And then we walked away and my girlfriend Shani was like you were nervous hon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, how can you not be? That's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but no, I can imagine for fans of you when they see you in person.
Speaker 2:you know in concert, so it was probably a similar, similar effect that you have on your face. Yeah, it was weird. I experienced it in portland, like you know, whenever I'm outside, but to be in a different, you know, to be in houston or to be in in baltimore right I don't expect it out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So which cities did you stop in on the tour?
Speaker 2:We did 11 or 12 cities Okay. So we started in San Francisco, went down through the south up to the east and then back through the middle to Denver and then back up to Seattle and Portland.
Speaker 1:Okay, gotcha.
Speaker 2:But there were a lot of great shows. The ones that really stood out to me were Opening Night, San Francisco. It was crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was just so nervous. It was like my first show. My family had come out to see it because it was like my first show, right, and it was awesome. The fans were so kind and showed so much love and knew so many words to so many songs throughout my catalog. It wasn't just like they knew something like it hot, it was like they knew shit from, like, if I may. And then Dallas was iconic. Dallas was sick. We had a great show in Dallas. That was probably one of our bigger shows and it was like a pretty big venue and it's tough when you get like a massive stage because you want to take up enough space and and engage with fans on both sides. So it was like kind of like a cardio workout, but it was sick. It was a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:And New York, new York was insane yeah, we played, we played SOBs.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And it ended up being this we played New York the same day that there was like a big flood in new york last year and so, like most, the city was shut down. So I was nervous the show was gonna get canceled and nobody was gonna pull up and we still had like almost 100 people in there just like packed out having fun. And uh, normally those bigger cities like they're a little jaded, they don't wanna, because because everybody goes to new york, everybody's in LA, those two cities is like kind of a tough market. So I was like I didn't know what to expect with New York and I had like some team members pulling up too, but they went insane. I was not expecting it.
Speaker 1:And you said, you played at SOB's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's like a where is that? It's in Manhattan, okay, but it's just a legendary venue, like all the hip hop greats came up and played through SOBs, it's just like it's a staple venue. That's cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you have fans that like come up and share. You said they kind of like grown together with you.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:And you've helped them maybe get through something, or just they have like stories to your music.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You create moments to be able to have that exchange Definitely With the fans.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely there's a lot of like. I mean, I think during the show there's a lot of like engagement. But particularly after the show I was staying and I would meet every fan and they would, you know, pull up and we'd talk for a few minutes and have a moment. And also during I had that song Wife, with Chris Patrick and I would pull up a fan on stage and they would come like rap the lyrics. I had like a basketball hoop on stage so I had fans like shooting on the hoop. It was, it was tight, it was kind of like a hangout.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could do one super fan shout out right now.
Speaker 2:One super fan shout out yeah.
Speaker 1:Somebody who's held you down from the beginning from the jump, still rocking with you.
Speaker 2:I got a shout out, my guy Glue.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah Glue.
Speaker 2:My guy Glue. His full name is Elmer, but he's been holding me down since like probably like 2015,. 2014. Like when I low key, like my very first project was called the snowball effect, I dropped out when I was 18 and like it's not out there anymore. It was on band camp, but I have fans who like listen to that, and so he's one of those who like still laughs with me.
Speaker 1:Shout out to blue and that's a nickname you. You've renamed Elmer.
Speaker 2:Well, he like, no, he he has glue, like Elmer like glue, but he liked those white glue. So but I could have, I'm a good renamer, so Hell yeah, hell yeah, that's dope. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um so I was doing my research and I learned, uh, that your grandpa's a legend.
Speaker 2:He is a legend, yeah.
Speaker 1:Your grandpa Rich Brooks.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is an absolute legend. Yeah, grandpa Rich Brooks is an absolute legend. Yeah, he's a football coach for almost two decades with the Oregon Ducks University of Oregon, and the field at Alton Stadium is named after Rich Brooks.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Your grandfather.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:He coached in the NFL for a season, and then what was it? Two seasons, yeah, two seasons.
Speaker 2:He was on multiple teams.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, gotcha, he was with the Rams for a second.
Speaker 2:He was with the Rams and with the Falcons, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, and then at University of Kentucky.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was kind of all around Like as my mom was growing up. They moved a lot. I know he was at Oregon State for for a little while he was at ucla um and then obviously oregon was like his longest, most historic stint um. And then he was in the nfl when I was like before I was born and then when I was really young was doing like falcons when they went to the Super Bowl and the AFC champions.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:And I think that was in 90. I almost wore the sweatshirt today. That was in 94. And then he was at the Rams in St Louis and then he like, retired for a year and then Kentucky called him and he picked up the head coach job and he was there for probably seven or eight years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow. Yeah, it was fun, so you experienced a lot of football in your childhood A lot of football, big football family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a lot of like we would go because my family's like very supportive, like of everyone in the family, like everyone's pretty supportive. So there was like every Saturday we were putting on the games, watching them like tears, like so invested. We would go out every year for the first game against Louisville and then we would go out when they had bowl games at the end of the year okay the whole family and you're getting the inside look experience yeah, which
Speaker 2:was a locker room the whole I know because I was like a little girl right, so I wasn't allowed in the locker room, but my brother was okay and I would come like I'd pull up, um, you know, my cousin siri. We would go to like some of the practices sometimes and like we would like get to meet some of the players, but my brother would consistently go to practice, he would be on the field, he'd be in the locker rooms, we'd be up in the coach's box with my grandma Stoked. It was lit. It was really lit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was special, it was a really special time, yeah.
Speaker 1:And the music game is pretty competitive.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's a competition.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it's a competition.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You came up in the world of football.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:You know, so you were cut from a competitive claw.
Speaker 2:Very much so.
Speaker 1:Has that experience in football influenced how you think about the music game? Were there some things that you pulled from? Uh, old coach brooks, definitely coaching playbook definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean my grandpa's a legend, like in oregon and in football, but like he's just an incredible person, like he's just a great human being and I think that was like I feel like I learned a lot of lessons through him, just like talking at family dinners and like as a coach who he is and like as a mentor to like a lot of like young men and became like a father figure to a lot of them and just like, yeah, what it means to move as a team, um, to be like a leader in some sort um and like the humanity of people, um definitely taught me a lot about that and I think my competitive edge like there was a lot of like football watching, but I was like I was an athlete myself.
Speaker 2:I played soccer and basketball and some people say basketball is like the fifth element of hip hop. It's like basketball and hip hop are so intertwined to me and actually it's funnily enough, my other grandpa was a basketball coach, really my dad's dad, so we had a very athletic family. My dad played basketball, my aunts played basketball, my brother played basketball and, yeah, he was a women's basketball coach and actually way back helped kind of pioneer the women's size basketball.
Speaker 2:OK, really, yeah, way back helped kind of pioneer, the, the woman's size basketball okay, really, yeah. So, um, definitely some competitive, competitive people in the family. But I think the biggest part was just like learning how to move as a team, or like learning how to operate together and like have a common goal in mind and like aligning people with your vision right and like staying focused yeah, that's beautiful, that that's.
Speaker 1:That's something that you were able to pick up yeah you know, uh, and something that I didn't even think about is like, obviously that's your grandfather, and so that, like it was actually probably less about football, more about the man yeah, it was like damn, that's my grandpa yeah, and those lessons.
Speaker 1:That probably what made him passionate about coaching was more about the team aspect, the humanity, yeah, element of it, more so than the wins and losses. So I'm sure that's what you know he probably liked to talk about at the dinner table or, you know, whenever he saw you told him he talked about women's basketball yeah I, uh, you did the the university of oregon women's basketball anthem I did yeah that's fire it was sick, yeah how that happened uh, they reached out to me.
Speaker 2:Um, I think it was the marketing department who was working on, like, the campaign for the women's team. I think that was 2021, they might have reached out in 2020 and, um, they had. I went to the University of Oregon so they knew that I made music and, uh, that I kind of built a following and they thought it would be fitting to have a woman who played bass well and went to the University of Oregon to like make the anthem for them. So it was a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:It was like a unique project for me, um, because I haven't made like an anthem for a team like right it's not really the way like my, my brain works when I'm like writing a song, but it was a cool, unique challenge and and, uh, we produced it as well.
Speaker 2:So okay it was fun to to make the beat for it and come up with a call-and-response kind of hook. Oregon has so many moments, I think, of the football games, but they have Shout at the end of the third quarter. They've got that Matt Kearney song they play. They used to have Return of the Quack. I feel like back when we had Little Michael James a long time ago, it was like return of the quack. Like when I was, I feel like back when we had like little Michael James like a long time, it was like return of the quack. So I was like, okay, there's like a high standard of like anthems that the university has and I wanted to. I wanted to contribute something that was like impactful in some way.
Speaker 1:So they play it at the women's basketball game.
Speaker 2:They. I don't know if they're still playing it or if it was like for that season, but they were playing out yeah, yeah were the girls fucking with? It. I think so, I hope so. They seem to fuck with it, yeah, yeah that's dope.
Speaker 1:yeah, I went to my first university of oregon football game since since I played against them as a freshman at Cal. Crazy, yeah, I just went to the Oregon-Washington game.
Speaker 2:It was the last game of the regular season.
Speaker 1:It was cracking.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and it was funny because, like the last time I was there was freshman year of college playing against them on the field.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I wasn't playing, but I was there you know, and then I went to a ton of games as a junior senior in high school as I was getting recruited, doing like the unofficial visits, like being on the sideline and stuff. And so it was funny to go back and I was, you know, down on the sideline and like still, uh, being able to, to see the other recruits, those young kids who are coming now, and like trying to make the decision Right. How did that go? It was cool. It was cool, you know. I was just like there was also a good amount of people that I knew on the, you know on the sideline and just you know, being here locally still have that connection to the school where they know, I know coaches and folks on the sideline. So the Central Catholic head coach, charlie Landgraf, was there at the game. He's on the sideline because he has a player, a left tackle, who's being recruited by Oregon. He was trying to decide between Oregon and Washington, damn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's crazy, and it was the game he's got to go.
Speaker 1:So I was like, hey, you got to go with whoever wins. You know, just joking with him, but yeah, it's like to be able to ask him because he's at Central Catholic I graduated from Central Catholic, so like it was very, very similar shoes and just ask him how he's feeling. You know how you feeling about the process, like making your decision, you know, are you stressed about it, whatever? And then you know, just give him like advice. That used to help me give him the same advice. Like back to what we were talking about is like how adults' words, when you're, you know, coming up, can really like make an impact. And so I remember, like what people used to tell me and like taking the pressure off was always the big thing that I appreciated when people would do that. You know, like you can't make a wrong decision. Right, that's what I told him. Yeah, like, bro, any decision you make be fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, follow your heart. That's good advice.
Speaker 1:You know, because he already knows where he wants to go. He's leaning a certain way, totally.
Speaker 2:Inevitably they're both great schools yeah.
Speaker 1:And you have a favorite. You don't even got to tell me. I don't even want to know. Just follow your heart, bro, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know Good advice. Yeah, is that the same coach that he's being coached by? That you have?
Speaker 1:No, so Coach Pine was my coach. He was at Central for a long time Like great, one of the best coaches in Oregon high school football history, wow. But now he's coaching up in Union and Charlie used to play at Oregon. He was an offensive lineman at Oregon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Charlie Langrath. Langrath, I feel like I know that name.
Speaker 1:He's a couple years younger than me, so you guys were probably at Oregon at the same time. Actually I'm 31, so he, yeah, I think maybe he's 29. But he played on the football team. Now he's the head coach at Central and he only went to the semifinals this year lost in the semis, unfortunately, so he's got some work to do next year, but he's a good dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you ever pull up at the practices?
Speaker 1:I haven't yet. Yeah, that's something I want to do though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that'd be sick yeah.
Speaker 1:That'd be sick. Yeah, it's like I get a way to stay connected to the game Totally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I wonder if that's like how hard is it to? I mean, when you're an athlete, like it's your life every day?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like it's everything you're thinking about. It's like it's kind of like art in a way, where it's like your lifestyle is very much like your career. So what does that feel like to now be moving on from that chapter of your life and like there's probably some kind of like grieving process?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was, it's been, it's been a tough, uh, it's been a tough transition because, you know, I feel like actually we talked about injuries earlier and I was injured through high school, through college and stuff, and I knew that the game was going to end at some point for me and I have a lot of passions outside of the game, so was always not preparing for the end but like I knew it was going to come eventually, you know, and so like to start the creative business and have the like non-profit, all these other things that I was doing that I felt would like soften the blow. When it finally came, you know, and I stopped playing ball and maybe it did a little bit, but you know it still cuts deep still hits.
Speaker 2:yeah, I remember when I, on like a way smaller scale, like when I stopped playing sports in high school because I had those three shoulder surgeries and it was like you're done, and I remember that transition being like, oh damn, like I don't have like a season I'm preparing for, I don't have like a team. Like you spend so much time with that community that it's like it's weird when you lose it. I can't imagine having it for so long on that level.
Speaker 1:yeah, it's got to be a tough transition yeah, 22 years, yeah, play football and, um, what's that?
Speaker 1:What's helped me is kind of uh, like writing the feelings down, like expressing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, and I dropped a retirement video. Uh, when I officially announced it, yeah, I felt like it took a lot of weight on my shoulders off of my shoulders, because I like reflected on my experience and like my feelings of like actually sharing the news, you know, made it real, yeah, right, where I like had really no intentions to play, maybe still like the slightest hope that somebody would call me right, but it was, like, you know, at some point, like I gotta hang them up and tell everybody it was. It was tough to just like click post on Instagram, you know, right, and so I had like my whole caption all written out. I had the video been edited and I was just struggling to press post and then I was like you know what, like let me write down how I'm feeling right now and why I'm feeling this way, and I came to the realization as I was, as I was writing it out, that it was like, uh, why it's so difficult is it's I'm committing to change.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:My life is going to change and this is actually like the commitment to it. Change and this is actually like the commitment to it. And then I started to unpack that like what's it mean to be fearful of change? Right, and but that's like the most natural part of all of our lives. Shit's gonna change, whether you like it or not yeah but actually what I realized like a scarier thing than change is something not changing. Yeah, could you imagine If, like, everything stayed the same our whole lives? It would suck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it would suck, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's like you're actually committing to this change, which is like the best thing possible.
Speaker 2:Right, you know.
Speaker 1:It's like it's a blessing.
Speaker 2:It's like the most bittersweet thing when you're closing one chapter and inevitably you're opening another one. You know like, and you don't know what's in store. Like it's, it's nice that you had a pillar of like creativity and journaling. Like obviously it's like a huge help, but like you're jumping into the unknown, which is like as equally scary as it is exciting. But it's like it's different, it's changed, and let's just yeah, it's scary, I can't imagine. This is my football field now and it's just yeah, it's scary, I can't imagine.
Speaker 1:This is my football field now.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You see this little carpet. This is my hydration right here. Yeah, we need like a little mug. Yeah, no, we should for sure. Yeah, these polo penny loafers is my cleats.
Speaker 2:Fire. You know what I mean. Yeah, it's a good sweat.
Speaker 1:We're getting it.
Speaker 2:That cleats probably not quite as comfortable.
Speaker 1:No, it's not, I wouldn't think so. There's some dress socks in there too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's nice, good situation. This is going to bring you all kinds of new conversations and like, just like fruits of, like a new labor. It's interesting, it's going to, it's going to like fuel you in such a different way.
Speaker 1:Fruits of a new labor. That's fire. Yeah, that's a bar.
Speaker 2:Thank you, that's what I do.
Speaker 1:It literally is what you do. It is what you do. Yeah, gwen, I appreciate you being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. It's been an honor.
Speaker 1:It's been dope and cheers, cheers, cheers to another episode of Beast Guard TV.
Speaker 2:Beast Guard TV.
Speaker 1:Appreciate y'all Peace. Leave us a review. Drop a comment. What do you want to see? What do you want to hear? Who do you want to hear from? We would love to hear from you.